Heliolatry and Butterflies

Happy Summer Solstice, everyone. I've got a great story for you!

First of all, heliolatry was the word of the day today from Dictionary.com, and most appropriate on this longest day of the year. Sun worshippers everywhere rejoiced! I was no different, waking up at an ungodly hour to get to Times Square at 6:45 am to participate in the Solstice in Times Square Mind Over Madness Yoga Event. Every year the Times Square Alliance hosts hundreds of yogis all day long to practice and welcome the solstice. I was thrilled to find my friend Christy in the crowd, and we were able to catch up with each other, mat to mat.

We reached our hands up to the sky

and our instructor invited us to keep bringing in the light, and drinking in the light. The sun had not yet risen above the skyscrapers and the jumbotrons, and the day still had the feeling of sleepy predawn, despite our poses, our twists and our balancing.

A double decker tour bus passed by and tourists of all stripes cheered us on. Our instructor yelled out "Hello, Tourists! Wish you were with us!" and they just cheered louder, which made everyone involved laugh. At that moment, the sun hit the horizon of the buildings and spread across us all with a tremendous glow, heralding the fact that the day had finally arrived.

I looked down at the top of my mat to find that a Red Admiral butterfly had settled itself right on top of my yoga bag, right in front of my face, and stayed there, for a good minute or two. It was utter absurdity to be face down in the middle of the street in Times Square doing yoga. It was equally absurd to be staring right into the beautiful wings of a Red Admiral butterfly, and yet, it was there, and all possible, and it really happened.

If you'll recall from a few posts back, my friend Diana said that when an animal shows up out of the blue, they have a message for you. So I looked up the symbolism of butterflies and time and time again, I came across the fact that cultural myth and lore honor the butterfly as a symbol of transformation and change. I also read that when a butterfly shows up, it means that change does not have to be traumatic, but that it can occur gently, sweetly and joyfully.

I had purchased a piece of artwork from my friend Emma a few months ago, of North Carolina butterflies. With the piece, she included this note:

Is your new found interest in butterflies based in any way in the concept of metamorphosis? They're pretty amazing creatures, and the more you look into how they do it, the more otherworldly they get. Did you know that they have two completely different sets of cells...and DNA...that live side by side: caterpillar cells and butterfly cells? While the caterpillar is being born and growing up, the butterfly cells just lie there, tiny and quiet and waiting. When metamorphosis time comes, they grow and grow and grow and change everything about the animal. The caterpillar cells aren't discarded though--its all of the energy and strength that they have collected over the butterfly's lifetime that give the creature the power to make the change. Hallelujah, butterfly.

Hallelujah, indeed!

Poem for Diana

Poem For Diana

(Written tonight on the F train)

The streets are scattered with men in djellaba and gandoras

heads covered

speaking languages originating in

Morocco, Ghana, India, Pakistan

Some scold small children

Others orchestrate business stealthily

into cellphones

Brooklyn is holy in this way;

bringing together multitudes

Making things possible that seem impossible

Inside, where it is quiet

Diana tells me to breathe

And breathe some more.

I ask,

Shouldn't all this longing and sadness have left me by now?

She says,

Oh honey

Look at your hands.

Even fingernails take months to grow.

Running Class

Tonight was my very first running class! There were about 25 people who showed up for the class and we were divided into two groups--true beginners and slightly more advanced beginners. My trainer Shane (a lively and handsome triathlete) had us walk a mile and then alternate two minutes running with four minutes walking. It was a gorgeous evening and the smell of gardenias and magnolias was so strong in the air--a perfect runner's perfume. At first, the running wasn't nearly as hard as I thought, but for the last two minute run, I felt all this heat rise to my skin, as though my body was trying to get rid of something. My arms turned red, and I started to scratch like crazy, as I tried to help whatever it was that was coming to the surface, to get out, and leave me. I imagine that this is what a snake feels like when it's shedding its skin. It was a heady, primal moment, and it took me a while to cool down.

In the past, I've turned to running as a last resort to rid myself of unpleasant emotions--I've only run when I've been at my most depressed. I can remember running in Binghamton's nature preserve, listening to Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" over and over and sprinting until my lungs hurt. But now, this need to run comes from such a different place--strong place, a determined place. I was so proud of myself when I was finished, and I found that I wanted to run more. I realize that this might be a beginner's high but I'll take it. I can't wait to run a real 5K race!

Mother Teresa said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love. Do not wait for leaders. Do it alone, person to person."

Or step by step, as the case may be.

Perfect 10

We're at the 10 month mark and my orthodontist put a wire AND an elastic chain across the top left side of my teeth and another chain across almost all of my bottom teeth. This is all in an effort to move the entire lower string of teeth over to the left, and bring my top teeth towards the middle. It seems like a colossal task, quite frankly. But the fact that my doctor is always so very happy with my progress inspires confidence, and the fortitude to continue for another month.

The teeth hurt, but I'm used to this. It will be fine in a few days. I'm learning to push beyond the boundaries of discomfort lately--something I was never able to do before. I've started doing this with my running, and I am amazed to find a reserve of energy when I think I just can't move forward for one more step. It's not the same kind of energy--it comes from a different place, and has a different feeling--kind of like a backup generator. I never knew that this existed within me before, and I'm just starting to get acquainted with it. It feels somewhat magical to tap into.

I read this in O Magazine recently:

Find Comfort in Discomfort: "Remember it's supposed to hurt, you're supposed to feel sore," says Debbie Ford. She's not talking about just the physical aches and pains of the couch potato turned triathlon competitor, but also the mental and emotional uneasiness of the would-be CEO or aspiring artist. "Accept that you'll never get rid of self-doubt," Todd Kashdan says. "An adventurous person will always have moments of feeling like a fraud--it's a sign that you're creating new roles for yourself, that you're evolving. It means that you're doing great, passionate work."

I don't know if my running constitutes great, passionate work, but it is a new and uncertain role. I'm just as hesitant to call myself a blogger as I am to call myself a runner. It's just something I'm doing right now, rather than something I am basing my identity upon. I do believe in doing things right, getting the proper tools, and making it as pleasurable a pursuit as possible. (I'm still reading My Life In France by Julia Child--this sums up her approach to life to a "T". I find her so charmingly inspirational! And I might have to buy copper cooking pots in solidarity!) I signed up for a 10-week running class and I'm looking forward to meeting people who are interested as I am in trying out something new and going boldly where they haven't gone before.

My friend Kristin joined me for dinner tonight, at a restaurant appropriated called Alchemy. As I walked down my street to come home, I saw so many gorgeous fireflies, giving off their green glow in the sultry evening. It made me think of this quote:

"Fireflies signal here and there. The sky is a color of neither blue nor black, and there is nothing in it to be acknowledged beyond the occasional flicker of a star. Only just now, a longing like love bears upon the vast, clear indifference of this night." --N. Scott Momaday

It's good to be home from Ohio. I missed Kristin and the fireflies and the Chocolate Room for dessert. It was a perfect 10 of a way to be welcomed home.

Science Lesson

I've always been a big fan Newton’s Law of Motion—the concept that “a body at rest tends to stay at rest / a body in motion tends to stay in motion.” According to the Encarta Encyclopedia, inertia is the state by which "an object…not subject to any...external force moves at a constant velocity. In even simpler terms, inertia means that an object will always continue moving at its current speed and in its current direction until some (other) force causes its speed or direction to change." There is some comfort in realizing that inertia doesn't mean stillness, but simply keeping the status quo.

I realize that I have constant force upon my teeth, and because of this, I am trying very hard to create a state of equilibrium. That constant force is very strong, but undetectable to anyone but me, and so I fear that it looks as though I am in a state of stillness or that I'm not trying hard enough to achieve the goals that I should have achieved by now, large or small. The novel is still sitting there. I haven't gotten to Japan. My niece and nephew speak better French than I do.

Maybe this is why I am so attracted to running these days. I am exerting my own force upon me, one that is visible to the outside world, and one that certainly matches the force that is exerted upon my interior. I had the day off today and for the first time I really ran--intervals of a 1/2 mile walking with 1/4 of a mile running. (Aren't you proud of me, J-Bird??) It felt good to work that hard, and to have a goal of not only running a 5K, but to getting rid of the last vestiges of my cupcake depression.

I saw a woman on the street today wearing a neck brace, and she looked so tall and elegant with the aid of the brace--placing her feet carefully as she walked. I wondered if she was self conscious of the brace, but as soon as I had that thought, it was replaced by another: "What does it matter? She needs the brace and it will soon be off, when the problem is corrected." I stopped cold in my tracks. I mean, if that's the honest, compassionate and instant train of thought that ran through my head, then why am I still continuing to convince myself that compassion is unavailable to me with my own plight with braces? Maybe someone is even thinking that I look tall and elegant with them. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

What a lovely thought/force to push me out of my state of inertia!

Grinworthy Flash Mob

Say what you will about flash mobs. I love this one which celebrates the birthday of a bus-driver in Copenhagen named Mukhtar. He had no idea that a large group of people had planned to celebrate him...Watch through to the end!