Lessons From A Vampire

I have spoken before about feeling somewhat akin to a vampire with these braces. It's an oddly empowering sensation of late. I can run my tongue along my fangs and the thickness that I feel on my teeth makes me believe that this is evidence of some sort of preternatural power--and when I smile, the look I often get from the mere mortals is a mixture of awe, fear or surprise. I have started telling myself that this reaction is due to this preternatural power, this other-worldliness. And lately, I kinda like it.

I find that more and more I simply want to sink my teeth into something. Perhaps not a neck (yet!) but a sandwich, a burger, something that will make me feel my front teeth as useful and significant once again. Perhaps this need is arising now because the unhappiness I have felt for the last nine months is beginning to abate. Or perhaps it's because I am sinking the rest of me into running. I ran a full half mile on Saturday and walked six and half more. If I can't sink my teeth into something substantive, then I sure as hell want to sink my body into something constructive. I'm compensating, I realize, but I'll take it. For so long, I had thought that bringing things light and airy and sweet (like pie) would make me feel airy and sweet, but it has just made me softer and distracted. Now I want to be focused, strong, and create goals for myself. This is a new desire for me--I've always been contented to simply learn whatever lessons circumstance has created for me. (Case in point: jacked-up teeth.) But now, that desire, has shifted, along with my molars, and I am finding something incredibly appealing about feeling powerful, brave and quite frankly, fierce. I want to be like a vampire, who is singular in purpose, and irresistibly alluring in the realization of that purpose. Perhaps I won't be sucking blood, but sucking the marrow of life sounds like a pretty good goal right about now.