The Happiness Project

I had the incredible good fortune to be invited by my dear friend Sarah to a literary salon last night at a gorgeous apartment on the Upper West Side. The purpose of the "Happier Hour" was to get women together (I believe there were about 50 of us) and talk about a concept, such as balance or commitment or, in the case last night, happiness. Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project was the special guest speaker, and the room was absolutely rapt with attention when she took the floor. I loved her calm demeanor, and hearing about her year of living, quite literally, in pursuit of happiness. When she brought up the concept of what Tal Ben-Shahar calls "The Arrival Fallacy" I really perked up my ears.

The Arrival Fallacy, is the idea that when you arrive at a certain destination, you'll be happy. On her blog, Gretchen writes:

The arrival fallacy is a fallacy because arriving rarely makes you as happy as you expect. Why? Because usually by the time you’ve arrived at your destination, you’re expecting to reach it, so it has already been incorporated into your happiness. You quickly become adjusted to the new state of affairs. And of course, arriving at one goal usually reveals a new goal. There’s another hill to climb.

I'm trying to think about this in terms of my own bionic situation. I dare say, that arriving at the destination of an unfettered smile free of braces will indeed make me significantly happier. I will have something to think about other than my teeth (Hallelujah!) I'll be able to eat whatever I want once again. (My kingdom for crusty french bread!) And I can stop thinking that I'm so unattractive all the time. (The events of the last posting aside.) When I first got the braces on I was feeling so small that the idea of dating was simply anathema to me. My friend Kristin looked at me with her best "give-me-a-break" face and said, "Are you really not going to have sex for two years while you wear those things?" I think Kristin might underestimate how committed I can be to self punishment.

And yet.

If I really think about what has made me happiest during the last seven months whilst I've been wearing my little tooth trinkets, I'd have to say that writing this blog has made me happier than I ever could have imagined. I've been getting incredible feedback both from close friends and from people I've never met. I've encouraged those who are on the same journey with braces, and I know I've been encouraged by them (That means you, Eddie!) I've been told by those without braces at all how much they enjoy my writing, and I have been so delightfully humbled by the mere fact that anyone reads this, and takes the time to tell me so.

I read this today:

The quality of your action depends on the quality of your being. Suppose you’re eager to offer happiness, to make someone happy. That’s a good thing to do. But if you’re not happy, then you can’t do that. In order to make another person happy, you have to be happy yourself. So there’s a link between doing and being. If you don’t succeed in being, you can’t succeed in doing. If you don’t feel that you’re on the right path, happiness isn’t possible. This is true for everyone; if you don’t know where you’re going, you suffer. It’s very important to realize your path and see your true way.

- Thich Nhat Hanh, "The Heart of The Matter" Tricycle

Could it be that this was never about my jaw, my orthodontist-shocking crossbite, or even the loneliness and demoralization I've felt these last few months? Could it be that writing was always the true path? I have another 508 days with braces, and I think of how lucky I am to have 508 more days to write about it. What a warm revelation to recognize that this is indeed my happiness project.