Loveliness

Something has changed.

All of the unpleasant, messy feelings associated with this tooth process are really starting to dissipate. The self-flagellation that I've been doing, now seems so strange, curious, and downright silly. I think it might have been Nick Vujicic who did this for me--seeing him speak has had a reverberating effect on my perspective, one I never could have predicted. I'm reminded of the words of Galway Kinnell: "sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness."

I've had the experience of being retaught my loveliness, and if I think about it I am most grateful for those moments in my life. The last time I was retaught my loveliness on such a grand, public scale was when I was training to be a holistic health counselor three years ago. In learning how to help others nourish themselves with food and with self-care, I really learned how to do the same for myself. I lost 15 pounds (in addition to the 45 I had lost previously). I learned how to eat healthfully, how to get on a path towards living my best life, and how find encouragement along the way. I laughed a lot. I met such dedicated, smart, caring people who I now call lifelong friends. I was happier, healthier and prettier at 34 than I was at any other time in my life. I never once yearned for my 20s.

This was also the moment when my teeth started shifting which makes sense because so much of me was shifting at that time too. If I can pull back far enough I can see that these braces which have made me feel so uncomfortable and unhappy are really just another part of that process of becoming the best me--it's hasn't taken away anything that I worked so hard to gain. Rather, it's given me that bedrock solid core inside me which doesn't care if I've gained back 12 pounds, or have the face of an awkward teenager, or is unpartnered and still seeking. In fact, it is the very thing that has retaught me my loveliness, so that it can pave the proper way for something even more beautiful.

And talk about encouragement: for the past few days, it has seemed like everyone is smiling at me when I walk down the street and I couldn't figure out why. What I didn't realize was that I'M the one who is smiling at THEM and they are merely returning the gesture by smiling back at me. I honestly had no idea. Call it Part II of the Beauty Experiment: Boomerang Effect!

(Or maybe it was the red lipstick after all!)