Meet My Inner Mafiosi

My friend Natalie says that I have an inner Mafiosi named Vinny. He's very handy when someone tries to edge me out of a seat on the subway, or tries to shortchange me at the market. He just throws his weight and his Brooklyn accent around and everyone starts to cower. (That's the best part.) He's also very macho, weighs about 300 pounds and can withstand anything sans complaint.

Vinny is no match for braces.

I figured that I would just let the knives in my mouth make callouses so that eventually I would get used to them and not feel the pain. I scoffed at the wax you're supposed to put on the metal brackets. Shoot, Vinny is tougher than that! Vinny doesn't need no stinkin' wax! Vinny's a Brooklynite! Words like "contusion" do not frighten him!

After 3 days and a meltdown last night, Vinny put on the damn wax. I slept like a baby for the first time in days.

There was an article recently in the NY Times about a mother of three who got braces as an adult and her experience in the first few hours. It was mostly a cry for smoothies and iced tea, but this was my favorite part:

“Do my teeth look straighter yet?” I asked, moaning. I had had braces for about three hours.

This seems about right. I realize that I'm having an entirely different relationship to time, which is kind of a good thing since time has been having its way with me lately. He's been taking things too fast, so in order to preserve the sanctity of our relationship, I had to figure out how to slow things down so that our passion didn't burn out. The braces are making me chart time in a different way. But maybe having him take me on a few more dates might have been a better, less drastic idea.

Via email, I get daily notes from "The Universe" via The Adventurer's Club--little pithy thoughts to keep in mind to put some positive gas in one's tank each morning. I have to say, as I was thinking about time, this one was in my inbox today:

One of the trickiest things about life, is that, at times, it happens so slowly. Yet... if... it... happened... any... faster... you'd... already... have... everything... you... ever... wanted... without... learning... to... enjoy... the... ride. I'm pretty sure the Universe doesn't have braces, but then again, maybe it does. Who am I to say?