The Biggest Loser

I just finished watching The Biggest Loser, a show that's been on TV for some years now, but this was my first experience with it. I had turned on the TV on for some background noise as I was making a pot of soup (New Year's resolution #1 is in effect!) and it just happened to be on. However, I was compelled to give it my full attention as I watched regular folks, good family people, loved people, getting on scales in front of their families, their entire towns and boldly face the fact that they weighed 250, 300, even 500 pounds. I was truly moved, and found that I couldn't stop the tears from running down my face empathizing so for these people who have let themselves, for various reasons, get to a morbidly unhealthy place, both physically and in truth, emotionally. Their shame was palpable.

What was it that touched such a nerve? Look, I used to be close to 200 pounds. I lost 60, and have kept it off. But it wasn't the weight that made me feel for them, it was that raw shame that took me off guard--how honest they were with it, not only in front of others, in front of all of America, but with themselves.

I relate because quite honestly, this whole process with my teeth has made me feel ashamed of myself. And perhaps this is why I've had such trouble with it because shame is a new emotion for me. Even when I was heavy, I didn't feel shame. But now, even though I know I am in the process of making it better, I wince when I lisp, I want to cry when I am speaking with someone and he or she subconsciously looks at my teeth and takes a hand to cover his or her own mouth (this has happened more than a few times.) I am close to panic when I have to give presentations at work.

I know what it is to transform. I know that it doesn't happen quickly. I know that my teeth are moving and shifting every day, and I also know that things often have to get worse before they get better. It is the natural way--just look at how the body heals; it makes a scab, before new, smooth, pink skin is revealed underneath.

But I have a tendency to pick at scabs, eager to peek underneath, eager for healing to occur faster. I'm trying to remember that patience is a virtue and that all good things come to those who wait.

And I'll root with all my heart for all the contestants on The Biggest Loser.