Rebel Rebel

I told a good friend recently that the braces make me feel like an adolescent--moody, overly sensitive, cranky, surly and tired all the time. Not to mention, hyper-aware of what others think of me. She said that there's a reason for everything, and I have to figure out why I've given myself the experience of a second adolescence. I remember tossing up my head in exasperation when she asked this, because who in their right mind would choose to be in that junior high school state of mind, where everything is so...fraught?

But then I thought about it. There are a few possible reasons why I'm in this position. Teenagers rebel. That's what they do. Being a good girl my whole life, I don't think I ever rebelled. (Quite frankly, it just seemed like too much energy to fight that much against the tide.) But now, I find myself in a position where I feel like that girl who can't possibly fit in, so I'd rather fit out--don the black leather and dye my hair green to take myself away from the pressure of trying. I realize that having these braces takes me (at least for a little while) away from all the pressures that have been plaguing me day to day for the last few years. If I don't feel attractive, then I don't have to think about marriage and kids and all those things that seem to be so very heavy for me right now. In the media lately, there have been too many articles focusing on women and marriage around age 40 (Thanks Cory, for this one: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/26/marriage-and-women-over-40/?hp) and since I'll be 37 next week, these thoughts become more present. But the braces, seemed to stop the merry-go-round, and let me just breathe for a little bit.

However, at the trade show I was attending in California this past week, I encountered FIVE women with braces (and two who recently had them removed) and they all looked just fine to me. It wasn't their teeth but their readiness with their smiles that I noticed. There was a strange solidarity in for us WIB (Women In Braces). Quite literally an introduction would take place and the braces story would be shared once a mouth was opened. One woman told me that she met her husband while she had her full metal tooth jackets on. (The fact that they're now divorced is irrelevant!) And three women without braces told me that they looked really cute. So I think that maybe I'll try believing that and see where it takes me. (I've been looking at the online dating sites again. Haven't found anyone worth meeting yet, but at least I'm looking.)

The second way adolescence fits into this scenario is that old adage that Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. I realize that I have not been having any fun whatsoever with these braces when there's so much to be had. I mean really, what do teens do for fun nowadays? Maybe I need to go to a mall, try on trendy outfits, crank call someone, eat lots of pizza and FroYo, pretend I'm on a reality show, upload some youtube videos of myself or call cute boys and tell them I think they're cute.

Whatever I do, I'm just going to enjoy the ride a whole lot more from this moment on.